


Not enough

by SophieRomanoff97



Series: Sophie's Endgame fics (AKA lots of fix its) [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Awesome Clint Barton, Awesome Natasha Romanov, Awesome Wanda Maximoff, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint Barton Feels, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Clint and Laura Barton's Family, Death, Endgame, Everyone Needs A Hug, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt Wanda Maximoff, Just a Mention, Memories, Minor Wanda Maximoff/Vision, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Nightmares, POV Wanda Maximoff, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Endgame, Team Bonding, Team Feels, Team as Family, Wakes & Funerals, Wanda Maximoff & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Wanda Maximoff Needs a Hug, but just in case, like not talked about at all even by those words, very brief and subtle self harm mention, wanda thinks about urges etc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 15:38:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18781189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieRomanoff97/pseuds/SophieRomanoff97
Summary: Wanda deals with losing so much after the events of Endgame. Clint makes things just a little easier.





	Not enough

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> Hey so if you're confused by some of the things Wanda and Nat do for one another in this fic, I suggest you check out my previous fic 'things that go bump in the night ain't all bad' since that details an event that led to the friendship we see in this fic. You don't need to read it but I suggest it for contents sake. 
> 
> Also, this is part three in my Endgame writing spree so hey whilst I'm here, maybe take a look at the others?
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

After the funerals, everyone hung around Pepper's grounds for a while, talking, remembering, consoling others. Somebody had ordered food and brought out blankets for people to watch the sunset.

But after that, as night descended, the group began to disperse.

Wanda had stayed close to Clint and his family the entire time, like a shadow. Sure, she knew the others. She could sit with Steve and Sam or even Rhodey but nowhere felt _right_ , nowhere except by Clint's side.

The grief inside Wanda was palpable and she was having a tiny bit of trouble controlling her powers.

She’d spent the whole day overwhelmed with loss.

First, she'd gone to see Vision's grave, blooming with flowers after five years.

Coming back and being told that she had been gone for so long but didn't remember any of that time was beyond scary. The world had changed, some of her friends had aged, some of them were gone and she'd had no idea. To them, Vision was a distant thought. To her, it was still new. Still raw. She loved him. Had loved him so much that she thought her heart would burst. She’d all but welcomed the snap when it came, desperate as she was to just…not have to deal with the fact her partner was dead and empty in her lap.

She’d failed. Hadn’t kept him away from Thanos.

She'd sat at Vision's grave at the compound for a while, pulling weeds and brushing her fingers over the ornate headstone Tony must have had made, before standing and walking the still familiar halls.

She paused outside her old bedroom door, new pain ripping through her heart as she walked past Natasha's room.

She didn't even make it inside her own room before she dropped to the floor, shuddering with the force of keeping everything contained.

How many nights had she knocked on that red door? How many times had she been woken by Natasha's nightmares flooding her own head? How many times had she woken up screaming Pietro's name? Shouting out for her parents or begging Ultron to stop? For the pain of the experiments to stop?

So many. So many times she had tiptoed to Natasha's door, able to feel if, once the girl had woken her, if she wanted to be alone or could come in. So many times that she'd pushed the door open, sat on the end of the bed, and listened to Natasha talk. So many times that she had laid down beside the woman, watching re-runs of American comedies, breaking into Nat's stash of secret candy. So many times that she'd fallen asleep there to find Clint's purple blanket tucked around her shoulders and the fairy lights twinkling overhead.

So many times that Natasha had heard her cries, had felt the walls shake and things in the girl's room smash. So many times that Natasha had done the same, knocking on the door to wake her. So many times had they sat on Wanda's bed, watching awful Ukranian children's shows that reminded her of home. So many times as she drifted to sleep had she felt a soft kiss her temple and even softer, "sleep well, Wanda."

So many times that she'd gone down to the gym for training. So many times that she'd gotten her ass handed to her and so many times that Natasha had held out her hand and helped her up. So many times had she flexed her powers, harnessing them, breathing and restraining and controlling. So many times had she seen the redhead's eyes fill with wonder at each new thing Wanda discovered she could do. So many times had she seen pride in her mentor's gaze, a smile at her lips. So many hugs they'd shared when, sweaty and aching but grinning, they called it a day.

So many smiles and rolling of eyes as Clint said something both dumb and hilarious at the dinner table. So many hand’s on shoulders and holding the other woman has thoughts overwhelmed them. So many times that they’d sat and shared their urges, their fears, their needs. So many times spent talking about Vision, talking about Clint and Laura and the kids. So many strokes of fingers through hair, of soft exchanges in Ukrainian or Russian, of just having a friend to be there when things got bad.

Not enough times spent together. Not enough of the days they would spend as two of the only women at the compound, braiding hair, painting nails, talking about boys. Stuff neither of them had had as kids or teenagers and stuff that felt so good to finally be able to do. Not enough time sat watching movies, sharing popcorn, baking in the kitchen, teaching one another how to make treats from their homelands.

Not enough time spent thanking Natasha for everything she'd done for her. Not enough hugs, not enough training, not enough nights, not enough words spoken. Not enough time.

_Just not enough._

It was ironic really as Wanda sat slumped against the wall, trying to catch her breath, that it was Natasha's voice in her head that brought it all under control. The red at her fingertips faded, the ache in her chest diminished and she could finally pull in a breath. But the pain remained.

Her parents, Pietro, Vision, Natasha, Tony. All gone. Dead. She would never see them again.

How much did they have to lose? How much did _she_ have to lose?

That was where Clint found her, staring blankly at Natasha's door, knees pulled up to her chest.

The agony in the archer's eyes as he saw that door tore Wanda's heart open again.

Clint took a shaky breath, eyes filled with tears as he dragged his gaze from the door and slid down the wall beside Wanda.

After a moment of silence, he put his arm around her shoulders and tugged her gently against his chest. "I know it hurts." He said lowly, the pain clear in his tone. "I know it does. But Vision and Nat and Tony, they wouldn't want us to hold it in." He took another breath, tilting his head back against the wall. "Remember what Nat said? That day we all sparred together. You weren't feeling good and she could tell by the way you were fighting that you were holding something in. She said that pushing things down, holding onto them, not letting them be known was agony. That it just built and built and built until everything exploded. She also said that she was still guilty of keeping things locked down but that she was trying. She was really trying. And then-"

"And then I started crying like a damn baby." Wanda murmured, sighing softly. "And Nat got down onto the floor with me and you got on my other side. No one said anything, no one touched me until I was ready but you both just let me cry. You let me release it and you didn't judge me for it." She found that her fingers were gripping Clint's shirt as yet more tears she hadn't shed built up behind her eyes.

"That's all Tash would want, kid, for you to try like she tried." Clint said softly, pressing an absent kiss to her temple.

The fingers in his shirt held tighter and tighter as Wanda trembled, hazy pink surrounding the pair as the woman gave in.

The proverbial dam broke and all Wanda could do was try to breathe through the sobs that tore through her body, pain and pain and pain covering her like a blanket.

She'd lost so many.

Clint rocked her quietly, murmuring soft nothing's into her hair as Wanda sobbed against his chest. Tears slid down his own cheeks as he looked at that red door.

He'd never imagined a world without his best friend in it. Though he'd always known that if she were to die, he would be there at her side.

 _It's okay_  ,she'd said to him, fingers in his. She'd smiled softly as he'd desperately tried to clutch at her hand harder, to wrap her hand in his, refusing to let go. _It's okay._

It wasn't okay. It would never be okay. Not with her gone. But he understood what Nat had meant. She was happy to go if it meant they could succeed. She'd wanted to go instead of Clint, because of his family probably, he hoped it wasn't because she still hated herself for her past.

She wasn't a monster. Just human.

Both crying, Wanda and Clint sat there for a long time, until they heard Laura calling them down. The jet was there to take them to Tony's.

Clint stood first, holding out his hand. For just a second, the archer morphed into somebody with bright red hair and a sly grin. When Wanda blinked, Natasha was gone.

She held Clint's hand, leaving the door behind them.

...

As the sun began to set, Wanda joined Clint at the water.

"I wish that there was a way. That we could let her know we won." The archer said quietly.

Wanda looked away from his face, watching the sun ripple across the water instead. His face was too much to look at. "She knows." The woman nodded, sure of it.

Clint's arm wrapped around her waist and she mirrored his movements, both of them watching the colours of the sky swirl.

"You could come back with us," Clint murmured, "to the farm. You could stay. I know your Godson would love to see you more."

Wanda blinked, taken aback but already knowing her answer. "I'd like that."

"Good. Good. Look at us, sticking together and everything." He offered a weak, watery smile.

"Nat would be proud." Wanda whispered.

Clint nodded, eyes cast to the sky. "Yeah. Yeah she would.''

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Sorry if I made you sad, I made me sad.
> 
> Again, maybe check out 'things that go bump in the night ain't all bad' since that will now be a series where I include pre-Infinity war stuff and where I basically just ignore Endgame and pretend everyone is alive and happy and together :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Comments make for one v happy girl <3


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